i'm sick and tired of it all.

forgive me, this will be one of my hissy bitchy rants, so if youre in no mood to sympathise with me or simply cant take any misery or grief right now you should probably just tag and leave.

Christmas, its a holiday for the family. time spent during Christmas is supposed to be with FAMILY. Christmas is a time to take time off to re-connect and enjoy the company of your FAMILY. Basically its a holiday for the FAMILY...

do you see where I'm going with this..?

if you can't. to hell with you, i'm still going on...

for those of you who i havent been speaking too lately i apologise but i've been attempting to make time for FAMILY during Christmas, and since i'm an only son and my father's no longer walking on this earth that would mean just mom. yes my mom, she who i love and adore.

but those of you who have spoken to me during the past week or so would know that my christmas (save for christmas eve) has been spent pre-dominantly NOT with FAMILY but very much ALONE!

yes, miserable isn't it? But everyones got their own opinion and if you disagree than thats okay with me, just go fuck yourself or the nearest tree...moving on

i spent christmas morning ALONE, christmas afternoon with an UNCONCIOUS NAPPING mother and christmas evening with friends while mom chatted at georges house with her adult friends, save for the occational proud mother going "this is my son" that was about it.

boxing day, she plays golf in the morning and proceeds to spend the whole day at the club after that. knowing this i play golf in the afternoon with friends, rack up some cash but no FAMILY time. maybe save for my late late night chess game with nigel, run with nat and nigel and chat with them afterwards...but really thats about as close as it got to FAMILY

27th i wake up and she's gone again, golf...bloody golf. So there i am ALONE at home. So knowing full well the night before i managed to snag my dear bestfriend benji for breakfast, so it wasnt a total blowout. thats about as close to FAMILY as i got. afternoon went downtown for what i thought was going to be a fun day of shopping with mom (finally?) and aunty jenn but aunty jenn brought aunty lucy along (which was fine) but mommy decided to bring uncle IVAN along...not that i have anything against uncle ivan but when he and mom get together they're in their own little world and little timmy doesnt seem to exist anymore. so off i go with jenn and lucy. finish up and head to Dog & Bone for a drink.

that was about as connected as i got to mommy the whole day long. on the way back she whines about how its annoying when she takes aunty jenn and i out because we seem to get along really well and i agree with 90% of her opinions...is that so wrong? well to her it is, its her way or the highway. i've managed to live with it for the past 17 years of my life but its starting to annoy me...still its christmas so i let it slide

28th, she's promised to go to church with me for PARISH friday night. thats a hope. wake up and big surprise...SHE'S NOT THERE. out to take her 2 friends gillian and daphne to the chiropractors. then out for a golf game at raffles.

which means she wont be able to attend the church session. way to go mommy! you're words as good as gold these days.

so all alone at home AGAIN! i begin to lose it. called up grandma and went over to her place to spend some real quality FAMILY time...a rare occurance during this holiday week. it was refreshing, had a laugh, watched TV with her, took her out to Fosters for dinner then went to church with her and really had a nice refreshing spiritual evening, walked her home and felt good again.

then i get home and find mommy having a drink with her two new girlyfriends gillian and daphne on the balcony. she's happy and laughing like the fact she totally went back on her "golden word" to go to church and spend time with me didn't matter at all. but 'tis the season and i'm just letting it slide.

she then asks me to join them for drinks. not number one priority on my list at 11pm on a friday night but i begrudgingly oblige, thats been family time...get the picture.

today? she golfs in the morning and i golf in the afternoon. i ask to play poker tonight at jonnys place and she (without anyone to keep her company) says no and that we should spend time together, after all shes "had a really hard day playing golf, wrapping gifts for new years countdown and just had one of her agents resign...so no she wants me home.

FINE! i'm a fucking CONVENIENCE NOW AM I! car knee nar. i'm steaming i really am. but she's my mom, i cant tell her in the face it'll break her heart. thats not me but holy shit am i pissed.

she's got time for her friends at my expense. gee sounds like the fucking argument she dumps at me when she's in a mood. that i spend too much time with MY friends and dont spend time with her and that she's a disposable resource in my eyes...well hows that for irony

i can understand why my friends couldnt hang out with me over the week, they're with family.

benji (new family, spending time bonding)
little nicky (off with the family on a short holiday trip)
aly (spending time with mom)

the list goes on...they were doing what they're supposed to be doing...spending time with their FAMILY!

all i had was sparky, and he was a gem.

i'm just on major tilt now but not showing a bit. honestly i cant wait to get back to school...mom's changed, she's different...all i wants my mommy back.

fuck this all

come to think of it i've got 2 words for ya...




merry christmas

hope yours was better than mine

spread the lovin'

Rob Valentine