another tough grind today for me again.

kinda a slap in the face really. my life looks pretty but hey anyone who knows me will tell you underneath it all i'm barely holding it together. now its starting to crack and i need to do something before everything caves in.

had a chop 81 today. 9 over on the front 1 over on the back. shit it sucked out there on my home track chopping it around like an ape with a stick. slightly ego-damaging but really i wasnt in the mood to play.

comeon, who would. i was drained.

its been a hard 2 weeks. accomplished most of what i needed to get done but shits still out of line and its hard to give 100% when you know that all ISN'T totally well in my life. fuck

for a moment lets ignore the good and face the bad...for a moment

• 10,000 word essay and project presentation due for management tomorrow
• midway thru club championships (yes i'm in semis but i'm entertaining thought of a finals defeat to one of two very on form very formidable opponents in jus or jon)
• i've messed up 2 straight weeks of sponsors invitations to professional events
• i'm still in the unpromoted zone of the youth squad
• i'm way way way behind work and lectures in applied anatomy AND freggin nutrition
• exams are a month away and closing fast
• i NEED to pass to advance in course
• my golf games been shiet (due to my out of place life)

i'd go on if i could but i might wind up on the floor 7 storeys down so i shant

so yes. chatted with greg and its good to know he still cares and understands what i'm going through. he's given me tomorrow and the weekend off to chill and re-focus before resuming work on tuesday

its never a comfortable thought when you're lagging behind and playing catch up. i GOTTA start mugging NOW if i wanna go into exam week feeling confident and secure. i gotta get my lazy arse moving and start FUCKING MUGGING!

just got off the line with mom and yes she's a naggy old crow sometimes but she does it out of love and yes she's always right. i'm wasting precious time doing shit that doesnt need to be done for the world to continue revolving.

so yes its in a bit of a mess right now and until i get things straightened out. or at least begin to straighten them out its not looking to get any better.

and the badminton boys are back. welcome to my nightmare, more nights of chinese, hokkien and other incomprable yelling in my dorm till the wee hours of the morning. rowdy kids having their fun and causing me incurable insomnia.

and you bastards wonder why i'm crazy

well i'll stop here before i depress you farther. wish me luck, pray for me and God i hope you're listening...I NEED HELP!

p.s. dear flourgirl, thank you for keeping me company on msn all these miserable nights. you've been a doll! thanks WHANK! :)

ooo i smiled. whee

spread the lovin'